Earlier this week my wife and step-son went to orientation for his freshman year at college. When they returned, my wife reviewed the discussions with me. It seems the first hour was dedicated to gender identity sensitivity. Henceforth, each speaker that came onstage identified themselves by name and which pronoun they preferred. Gender identity is a hot topic in certain communities today and I wish it wasn’t, but probably not for the reasons you’d expect. I’m not some fascist that wants everyone to fit in one of two categories. Quite the opposite, really. I’m a child of the 80’s and 90’s. Generation X. When I was growing up, through high school, college, and in my early adult life, the buzz phrase was gender roles. People wanted to break free from traditional gender roles that had been so carefully cultivated over the previous decades. Mostly, it was about women having the same opportunities and career choices as men. The kitchen was no longer their domain. The chance to fight and die for their country was equally their right. Many fields traditionally believed to be only for men were forced open and women began joining their ranks. Destroying traditional gender roles was exciting for me as well. Growing up, I didn’t play sports. I didn’t like watching sports. Cars weren’t my bag. I couldn’t fix things. I didn’t fit the traditional male role. I was called many things. I was ridiculed and targeted by the jocks and mostly ignored by the girls. So I was thrilled with the prospect of gender having little to no influence over one’s identity. If asked to describe myself today, the only word I use that connotes gender is that of “father.” Otherwise, I use words like: teacher, actor, writer, Christian. I use phrases like: lover of NCIS, playing board games, and solving problems. I believe the debate and focus on gender identity is being counter-productive to the movement my generation worked so hard for. And we can’t have it both ways. If we truly believe there are no gender roles, then no one can feel like a man trapped in a woman’s body or vice-versa because having one set of genitalia is meaningless beyond the act of procreation. The real problem, of course, is the nature of the English language. There is no genderless third-person singular pronoun except IT. And who wants to be called an it? That’s what we call things that aren’t people. The solution, then, is to invent one. My proposal is simply to use “they/their/them” as singular pronouns. Instead of “He went to the store” say “They went to the store.” His sweatshirt becomes Their sweatshirt. “I want to ask her out” becomes “I want to ask them out.” It might take a little getting used to, but I think it would be an easier transition than what is being attempted at the moment.
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